Ayah.
My uncle always ask me: Have you visit your father's grave recently. It Is not that I don't want to visit, it just sometime it become so real to me, that he is really gone. Even after 9 years him passed. I feel like it was most difficult thing to do. acknowledging that he's gone. I've accepted the qada' and qadar, just its easy for me to just think he was travelling somewhere far or something, instead of unalive. In my mind or in my most dream, my father is like travel to far away country, it's like he was in missionary's or something. Every time he appeared in my dream, he was always comeback from somewhere. Somewhere far to the land that nobody knows the name. In that dream, I was always hugging him and crying for we never see each other anymore. These days I never have this dream anymore, is he mad at me? Do I not make dua for him enough? is that why I never see him in my dream again? or I'm already so contented with my life, I miss him less and...