30.11.19

Mungkinkah aku sudah putus asa menunggu cinta manusia.

Cinta manusia itu tidak kekal

Mungkin aku lagi butuh cinta Allah.

Kembali kepadaNya

Itu lebih baik.

Mana mungkin cinta Allah dibandingkan dengan cinta manusia
Manusia itu rapuh
Tidak utuh
Cinta paling agung, cinta kepada Mu Ya Allah. 

12.11.19

We are living in the world that being harsh to one self is acceptable. I criticize myself too much. At first I was blaming everyone for my defection. Today I realize that I have being too harsh on myself. 

Bill gates once said "Don't compare yourself with anyone in this world...if you do so, you are insulting yourself"

I comparing my journey with other people my age. Where some of them earn better than me, some are married and have kids, and some have all figure out while I'm not. I make myself feel miserable everyday. I was ungrateful. I have not thank enough. 

So today, I will make that change. I'll stop from talking bad things about other. Be grateful that I even have a job while some doesn't. I'll exercise more, and eat less. Control my anger. Do not get mad on something that wasn't in my control. Pray a lot. Chasing my dream. Write a lot. Be grateful for just wake up. Be nice to my mother and myself. BE NICE TO ME MORE.

Hopefully. 

Wish me Luck. 

Aminnn. 

11.11.19

These days I found myself hating what I do for living. At times I don't even remember why I hate it so much. At some point I was thinking I may be going nuts and sometime I think I am right. I am confused and miserable. I felt my cause wasn't heard enough. My talent was put to waste. I do not sense the belonging, I felt empty and angry all the time. Like I said without a reason I am pissed. 

So the other day I have read our Tun M. said that "If you want to be listened (to), you must be very powerful, strong or very rich otherwise nobody listen to you"

Well it hits home. I'm just an executives. Nobody listen even when I screamed out loud. Nobody will ever heard even when I read it directly from the book. So I decide to give up. I thought this is the best things I can do to prevent myself from getting hurt more. So I give up fighting for my ideas, thoughts and wisdom. I just stop. Now I just hate going to work. I called in sick for just mental breakdown. I swear if I cannot find other job by the end of this year my life is dull. 

I was hoping that this shall pass too. It taking too long. I don't like it anymore. I need to move on. I am moving on. It just a matter of time now. Remember this. You are not a tree.