71 days Left

 These days all I did is counting days, No regret, No turning back, just moving forwards. 

I never been any clearer than this, this place no longer fit my vibes and goals as an educator, I don't want to be exhausted educator. Which I already am. 

I do think sometimes I'm reckless and over reacting, which I know I'm not cause everybody feels the same but I'm the only who making the drastic changes. 

I did not tell my mother yet, I don't know how to explain to her, because she does not operate like I do. She stay in a same job for 40 years, while me at 35 still figure it out what I want. The longest I stay in a company is 4 years, for the last 10 years of my career as corporate slave. I don't think that I have to tolerate every broken system that company have, I can always find another company that have system that met well with mine. I think so la. 

I understand there are no perfect ideal place to fit all our needs, but at least we should have 1 good thing from it. Here, I'm still searching and its been a year... and there are still big question mark. Normally I'm easily adapted and well blended by most at least 3 months, now it 14 months. still....I don't know..... maybe its me. 

Anyhow, I wish someday I find that what I want. Bismillah. Aamiin. 

Feeling Drained and Lost at Work

Lately, work has been weighing on me in a way I didn’t expect. Every day feels heavier, and even simple things, like getting ready or sending a WA to inform MC, feel exhausting. I keep wondering why it drains me so much. Is it just me, who feeling everything too deeply, or does everyone else just handle it better?

The lack of clear direction at work makes everything worse. I’m told to report to certain people, but when I do, things don’t move. It feels like I’m stuck in the middle, trying to do my best while feeling unsupported and confused. It leaves me feeling frustrated, useless, and not sure where I stand.

Some days, even thinking about work makes my chest tighten. I keep questioning myself, am I weak? Why does it feel so overwhelming? I know I’m trying, but it feels like nothing changes.

I’ve been thinking a lot about whether I should stay or move on. I’ve listed the pros and cons, and honestly, there are good points on both sides. But emotionally, I feel tired, like I’m running on fumes.

I’m not looking for sympathy. I just needed to let this out. Maybe writing it down helps me understand myself a little better. Maybe it’s a reminder that my feelings are valid, even if the situation is messy.

For now, I’m still figuring things out. I don’t have all the answers yet, but I’m trying to listen to my heart, my body, and what I truly need.

P/s: I'm resigning soon.