71 days Left

 These days all I did is counting days, No regret, No turning back, just moving forwards. 

I never been any clearer than this, this place no longer fit my vibes and goals as an educator, I don't want to be exhausted educator. Which I already am. 

I do think sometimes I'm reckless and over reacting, which I know I'm not cause everybody feels the same but I'm the only who making the drastic changes. 

I did not tell my mother yet, I don't know how to explain to her, because she does not operate like I do. She stay in a same job for 40 years, while me at 35 still figure it out what I want. The longest I stay in a company is 4 years, for the last 10 years of my career as corporate slave. I don't think that I have to tolerate every broken system that company have, I can always find another company that have system that met well with mine. I think so la. 

I understand there are no perfect ideal place to fit all our needs, but at least we should have 1 good thing from it. Here, I'm still searching and its been a year... and there are still big question mark. Normally I'm easily adapted and well blended by most at least 3 months, now it 14 months. still....I don't know..... maybe its me. 

Anyhow, I wish someday I find that what I want. Bismillah. Aamiin. 

Feeling Drained and Lost at Work

Lately, work has been weighing on me in a way I didn’t expect. Every day feels heavier, and even simple things, like getting ready or sending a WA to inform MC, feel exhausting. I keep wondering why it drains me so much. Is it just me, who feeling everything too deeply, or does everyone else just handle it better?

The lack of clear direction at work makes everything worse. I’m told to report to certain people, but when I do, things don’t move. It feels like I’m stuck in the middle, trying to do my best while feeling unsupported and confused. It leaves me feeling frustrated, useless, and not sure where I stand.

Some days, even thinking about work makes my chest tighten. I keep questioning myself, am I weak? Why does it feel so overwhelming? I know I’m trying, but it feels like nothing changes.

I’ve been thinking a lot about whether I should stay or move on. I’ve listed the pros and cons, and honestly, there are good points on both sides. But emotionally, I feel tired, like I’m running on fumes.

I’m not looking for sympathy. I just needed to let this out. Maybe writing it down helps me understand myself a little better. Maybe it’s a reminder that my feelings are valid, even if the situation is messy.

For now, I’m still figuring things out. I don’t have all the answers yet, but I’m trying to listen to my heart, my body, and what I truly need.

P/s: I'm resigning soon. 

Letting Go, Bit by Bit

Good Morning,

Tuesday but feels like Friday. Exhausted from travelling is killing me.

I was wondering why I tend to overthink about parking, but then I realised, From the beginning of my career, my first job, parking was never covered by the majikan. I remember back when I was working at Phileo Damansara, gaji ciput je but I paid almost RM250 monthly just for parking. I remember my parents had to use their own money to cover my first month of work. It was tough, but I was fine with it sebab alasannya I didn’t have working experience, so I just picked up the experience. Plus, I already knew that I had to pay for parking, so I was well aware the benefit wasn’t given.

My second official job also required us to pay for parking, though it didn’t come out of my own pocket since the company covered it for me. But there was free parking at UTM, so that felt lowkey secured from my perspective, when my parking allowance was retracted at least I don't have worry too much about it.

My third job in Cyberjaya, the parking was free — so I shifted my mindset that parking is a basic amenity that employers should cover. I survived there for 4 years, and as for the reason I left… let’s leave that in the graveyard.

Now I’m in my fourth job, moving toward my fifth (in shaa Allah, Aamiin). In the beginning, I never realised I needed to pay for parking since it was all provided. I actually got a lot of benefits in my first year — house, parking, even travelling allowance. But now that we’ve moved to USJ, all the basic amenities and benefits are gone. So I do feel wronged and underappreciated. That’s why I make a lot of noise about those missing benefits.

Am I mengada, or do I have valid reasons? Maybe with over 10 years of working experience, I’ve become more demanding. Hopefully the next company will provide the basic amenities.

So as I reflect today… it’s fine. Bayar je lah parking tu daripada susah-susah fikir and stress about it. I’m starting to accept the fact now. Pray for my mental health.

Sometimes the smallest things feel the heaviest, but I’m learning that not everything deserves space in my mind. I’ve survived harder seasons, and I’ll survive this one too. I’m not demanding—I'm finally learning what I deserve, and growth will always raise my standards. It’s okay to outgrow what once felt enough, because my peace matters more than any job or benefit taken away. So I breathe, release what I can’t control, and remind myself that choosing peace is still a form of strength. Whatever I lose, I gain clarity, and whatever I gain, I honour with gratitude.

Lah, datang pula orang tua ni. Pening. (boss kecik)